I don’t talk about work much on my blog but part of my job is to help teach managers how to shut down inappropriate, abusive and otherwise destructive employee behaviors. I have been working in Management, HR and employee relations for so long that it’s a bit second nature for me. Recently after doing some training a couple of the managers patted me on the back and told me how impressed they were with the way I shut down some push back in a training session I had conducted at their site a couple of weeks prior. I had to stop and actually replay the training in my head to figure out just what they were talking about. The “push back” was really pretty minor from my perceptive and easily shut down; I barely registered it. But I have spent the better part of my career training managers to handle situations like that. Too often people simply freeze up when someone puts them outside of their comfort zone. But I was just reminded of a time before I had those skills.
Two “friends” were saying pretty horrible things about another friend. I say friends in quotes because – well, it was high school and I was still developing my understanding of just what friendship is. Much to my shame, I just sat there. I didn’t tell them to STFU or in any way attempt to shut it down. While I didn’t say anything negative myself, I was part of the problem. My not calling them on their horrible behavior essentially provided tacit approval for it. These people made my friend’s life hell and I did nothing to stop it. Yes, I was 15 and full of my own insecurities and desire for acceptance, but I could have done better; I should have done better.
I think about this with my own kids. Will they have the fortitude to not sit idly by while others are being bullied? G-d for bid they are on the receiving end of that kind of behavior, will their friends have more courage than I did. I can’t go back in time to change my reaction, or lack therefore of, but I hope I can teach my kids to be a better person that I was.
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