I have had a lot of people lately ask me how I am doing. Since I started posting this stuff I never know exactly what they are asking. Do they know what’s going on, read my blog, are they asking out of genuine concern, or just doing what a lot of people do and ask a question they don’t really want answered. Occasionally I just have to ask – do you read my blog? So I know what they are asking me. As I have said before, my goal here with these posts is to demystify and reduce the stigma associated with things like Depression and Anxiety. So I want to be open as I possibly can. So if you do know what is going on and you are asking out of general concern, please feel free to let me know, I am more than happy to answer any questions. But for those who don’t feel comfortable asking, or don’t see me in person here is a little update.
Overall I am doing/feeling better than I ever have in my life. But to be honest there are some days that are better than others. The antidepressants are really starting to kick in and my mood is clearly elevated. The anxiety is not always perfectly under control. Sometimes that is my own fault. I will get caught up in a busy day at work and realize, the time is an hour past when I normally take my medicine. Sunday I ran a 1/2 marathon and my second dose (well really the second 1/2 of my first dose) was due in the middle of my run. Between the delayed dose and the adrenaline from the run, my anxiety levels were through the roof, and I wasn’t in a good place regardless of my accomplishment. But I am learning to do self checks. I pay attention to my feet. The more they start to tap, I step back and take a look inside. I do a self assessment of how I am feeling. I check my breathing, check the time in relationship to my medicine. I pay more attention to my random stray thoughts. Then do whatever I need to do to take my anxiety down a level or two, remember to take my medicine, take a few minutes to breath, or step away from my desk and soak in some sunshine.
So overall I am doing well. But I have to admit there are certain areas where I feel worse. These are mostly things in my life that are outside of my immediate ability to control. I think the general overall elevation of my mood has in some ways made these issues a little harder for me. I guess when you’re generally feeling blue, their isn’t such a difference between normal and bad, if that makes sense. Or maybe it is that I feel so good about so many things, that I am impatient to bring the rest of my life to that same place. Or maybe it is some combination of both.
But that is where I am at. Overall I am doing great, I have my moments, but who doesn’t!