Back from Psychiatrist. I started off with the good stuff. I let her keep on her chirping bird music which apparently doesn’t bother me anymore. I let her know that at scoop night (B&R fundraiser for my kids preschool), we were stilling outside, normally all of the little birds that fly around there freak me out and I have to go inside or walk away. This year I barely noticed them. Then to top it off, while walking to Shul on Saturday I came inches from stepping on a dead bird. I am mean it was gross, like any road kill would be. But no panic attack. No screaming like a little kid. No raise in heartbeat or blood pressure. I didn’t think about it again, until I started my list for things to talk to her about. She was really impressed with my progress on my bird phobia. Also a positive, I haven’t had a migraine since I started treatment, this is the longest I have gone in 9 years without one.
Then I went on to the bad stuff which is the depression, right now I’m still in a fairly bad depressed state. She gave me a another drug that she believes should stablize my depression. She said I should know in a few days if it is working. She also told me if I google the medicine not to freak out because it is used for the treatment of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. She was like, no worries, you don’t have this, its just been shown to work as a mood elevator when taken in conjunction with another antidepressant. So we will see how that goes.
Then I started to tear up up when I told her about today’s mental health day. I just don’t do that. I’m the guy in the office that gets yelled at for coming in sick and infecting the everyone else. Most times when I get a migraine I turn off my lights, take some OTC painkiller and plow through the day. I have never been in a situation where I just couldn’t mentally handle the day. She told me I made the right decision calling out sick, and I should not beat myself up over this. These are powerful medicines and can have powerful effects. It was reassuring to hear. I felt guilty all day, even though I know I wasn’t capable of being productive. Someone how hearing that from her, made me feel a lot better.