Here is a little idiosyncrasy from my childhood. Somewhere around age 6 I got in my head the notion that it was possible that I could die and keep on keeping on in some sort of heaven/hell of my own creation. So every time the thought popped into my head I had to check my pulse to see if I was still alive. Even at 6 I understood that it was a little silly to assume that God/The Universe would create a reality for me compete with sight, sound, smell, taste and touch and miss such a minor detail as providing me with a pulse. With the aid of cognitive dissonance I eventually reasoned that God/The Universe might want me to figure out that I was not actually “living” in the real world and the lack of a pulse would surely be the path to my enlightenment. For the record by the time I was 10 I had given up on that theory. I actually hadn’t thought of this little ritual in some time but was reminded of it while reading Tim Pratt’s Dead Reign from his Marla Mason Series. One of the characters suffers from Cotard delusion, a psychological disorder in which the afflicted believes that they are dead. Please note I am not suggesting I suffered from this disorder, I was simply a child grappling with the nature of consciousness and reality.
So on to the dream… Last night I had what started off as a fairly mundane dream. Not really spectacular, vivid, creative or particularly enlightening. Other than some normal inconsistencies/dream logic, it was actually a pretty boring dream. There was, as I mentioned, some odd inconsistencies. Occasionally when dreaming I notice the dream logic and say - hey wait a second, that’s not possible I must be dreaming… Then I either go with the flow or take control of the lucid dream. Not this time. In what I am sure was some sort of synergistic reaction to Tim Pratt’s book along with the impact of my Mother’s sudden passing I was sure I was dead, I even checked my pulse. When I couldn’t find one, I had the sudden recollection of an impact and I just “knew” that I had died in a car accident. I woke up with such a fright that it was a good hour before my adrenaline was overwhelmed by the Lunesta and I was able to get back to sleep.
Let me begin by thanking everyone for the many wishes of congratulations, condolences and offers of help. As most of you are aware Melissa and I have a wonderful new addition to our family. Elijah Benjamin Feldman, AKA Eli, AKA The Grasshopper, was born on February 5, 2009. He was 6 lbs 7 oz, happy and healthy. Unfortunately our wonderful news was tempered by the loss of my Mother. My parents had been on a long planned vacation to Puerto Rico. They were scheduled to return prior to Melissa and Eli being released from the hospital. The night Eli was born my mother was playing blackjack and according to our cousins who were vacationing with my parents, repeatedly looking at the the photo of Eli I had emailed them. She was having the time of her life when she had a massive aneurysm at the tables and was officially pronounced brain dead and removed from life support about 36 hours later. My mother was a huge part of our lives and I do not have the words to describe the combination of one of my highest highs with my lowest low. I am still trying to figure out how to embrace the joys of having a newborn and grieve for my mother but if there is one lesson she taught me it is you put your children first. So for now that is all I can do.
I was tagged and completed one of those “25 random things about me” and true to #25 I decided to repost to my blog.
1. Someday I will finish and publish a novel.
2. I have finished many shorts stories over the years and have never attempted to have any of them published.
3. I have an irrational fear of birds.
4. That said very few things in this world truly frighten me. I have driven a buck twenty bumper to bumper on a tortuous road, gone bungee jumping, cliff diving, skydiving and countless other youthful indiscretions.
5. And that said I have been terrified on a couple of occasions. The first was a month before Josh was born and we were driving to Holly Cross to do a tour of the maternity ward. We were stopped in traffic on 495 near magical kingdom AKA the Mormon Temple. Melissa stated screaming as a SVU plowed into us at highway speeds. The accident put her into early labor and it was hours before they were able to stop the labor and give us any assurance that she and the baby would be OK. The second time in recent memory was when I held my son for the first time.
6. Even though I am pro-science and highly critical of religious dogma, I am surprisingly religious. I have never doubted in G-d, only humanity’s ability to understand.
7. Most of my life I preferred to read what Academics call literature and now I prefer speculative fiction. I can even admit to truly loving some urban/dark fantasy that could just as easily be housed in the romance isle.
8. I am a terrible insomniac and Lunesta has changed my life.
9. I have been contemplating giving up meat on moral grounds but am not sure I have the will power to make it happen.
10. I’m a Mac, and a PC and a LINUX
11. As a kid I used to take things apart to to figure out how they worked, I still do.
12. I used to build PCs before it was considered easy.
12. I am very mechanically inclined but have never changed my own oil, mostly because I don’t like getting dirty.
13. I love to garden. I know that sounds contradictory but I don’t mind dirt dirt. It is the greasy and/or sticky things I don’t love.
14. I have studied Christianity more in depth than Judaism.
15. I hated being Jewish as a child but happily identify with Judaism as an adult.
16. My favorite game is Gin provided I am playing with my wife. She is a knocker!
17. My mind works best when I am multitasking.
18. I can listen to an audio book or watch TV while reading and follow both. I know this makes me a little odd but I was a multitasker before modern communication necessitated it.
19. My wife never ceases to amaze me.
20. On any given day Lifeguarding was my favorite job. Bar-tending was the most fun, and Teaching the most rewarding.
21. Even though I don’t LOVE it I am very good at HR an assume I will keep doing it forever unless I do #1 more than once and really really really well.
22. I am terrible with names.
23. Having a child (soon to be children) has changed my life in unbelievable and indescribable ways.
24. Yes I do get asked about the other Corey Feldman all to often and how funny is it that my best friend’s name is Tony Orlando.
25. Most of my life I have shared easily but with few. With Social media (blogging, facebook, twitter) I now share with many but no longer with ease.
The always funny and insightful Laurie Ruettimann AKA Punk Rock HR and I are having a slight disagreement regarding internet use at work. Laurie was blogging about Signs You Need to Start Your Job Search. Basically Laurie is saying never stop looking. I couldn’t agree more – network, grow or die. However she ended her post with “This is the sign you’ve been waiting for, yo. Start your job search today. Look for a job from the comfort of your warm cubicle with free, company-sponsored high-speed internet and your cushy Aeron® chair.” Here is where I disagree. My response “Agreed except for the part of doing it from your cubicle/office over company internet. While you have those things sure, but not on or with company property. Never know who in IT or otherwise is watching.”
This of course lead to Laurie’s latest blog post Using The Internets on Company Time in it she asks HR professionals and Managerial types if you have or would fire an employee for browsing Monster.com at work. For me it is simple, your company most likely has a policy against it, you are most likely an employee at will and Job Hunters are not a protected class. Don’t do it at work.
Last night sometime – Showered, change into fresh and clean workout clothes, took sleeping pill and read until I fell asleep
5:30 am - Alarm, hit sleep timer
5:41 am - Alarm, got up. (Already dressed in gym clothes sans shoes)
6:15 am – brewed double shot espresso
6:20 am – Deiced windshield and made my way to gym
6:35 am – Started treadmill and last night’s Daily show on my iPhone
I seem to be missing 34 minutes between getting out of bed and brewing my espresso. I did check my email, deleted a few junk mails that slipped through the filter and confirmed one person on facebook. Total computer time 3 minutes - no more. Maybe another minute to put on and tie my running shoes. I didn’t blackout or fall back asleep, yet I have 30 minutes I simply cannot account for?
Vicious Circle is book two in Mike Carey’s urban fantasy/detective noir series which chronicles the adventures and challenges of Felix Castor, reluctant exorcist.In the London of Carey’s envisioning, the supernatural world has bled into our reality.There are ghosts, lugaru (French equivalent of a were), demons, and other things that go bump in the night.Most people can see ghosts but a few special people can exercise a certain amount of control over dead and undead.At a young age Castor stumbled into his abilities by unintentionally exorcizing the ghost of his late sister.Castor is a fascinating protagonist.He is not a fighter, a lover or preternaturally powerful.He is a wisecracking reluctant hero just a minute or so off the egg timer from hardboiled.Carey paints a vivid picture of London and draws some fascinating supporting characters.You have an old friend Rafi, inextricably bound to a powerful demon after Castor tried and failed to free him from possession. Nicky the zombie, a computer hacker and conspiracy nut… and Juliet a succubus that I can’t say too much about without unnecessary spoilage for book 1, The Devil You Know.
I thoroughly enjoyed book 1 but Vicious Circle is certainly a more polished product. In this installment Castor is hired by a couple to find their kidnapped daughter.While not an actual detective, Felix takes the case due to one very unusual circumstance; the girl was already dead when abducted. Along the way he will run into a powerful religious sect, a rash of apparent demonic possessions, an exorcist with abilities that seem to significantly outclass his own.The book is fast paced, funny and does a fantastic job of blending the fantasy and detective genres.While not completely necessary to read The Devil You Know first, it is entertaining in its own right and does help with the back story.
If this turns out to be legitimate I seriously question Joe McCain’s commons sense. While I don’t expect the Senator to be his brother’s keeper, I am left wondering what sort of urgent family political business he is attending to. I hope Joe McCain is at the very least fined for his audacity.
She did say O’Biden, I thought I was hearing things! At least she can say nuclear. Oh well, strike that, no wonder Biden kept talking about the current administration – It was almost like listening to Bush in drag
