Shabbat – The next step

So for a while now, unless their was a work obligation, emergency, or important family event, I did not drive on Shabbat. That is a truer statement in the summers than winters due to commute and work hours. So for those days, when I got home after the official start of Shabbat, mine started the moment I got home. It was an interesting line to draw since we have not kashered our house, nor did we place any restrictions on the use of electronics, such as computers, phones, iPads and the like. But it was a step. More recently I started wearing my kippah more often. No to work. Well yesterday I did, since I went to shul in the morning before work and forgot to take it off. I don’t think I even realized I had it on, until I got back to shul to hear a talk by 4 of the area Rabbis. Anyway, as I said, I have been wearing it more often. It started as all day on Shabbat, then more recently, I extended it to Sundays. OK to be fair sometimes I just through on a baseball cap. So Melissa and I juts had a long talk and we are taking it to the next level. No I haven’t gotten her to agree to keep a Kosher house, but we did agree to give up electronics. No more TV, computers, iPhones, iPads, and etc…

This is going to be a really big step, and I am not sure how it will impact my writing. I suspect it will slow it down unless I can make other accommodations during the week. The way this started was Melissa was regularly complaining that I was pretty much permanently attached to to one of my iDevices. She didn’t feel like I was fully present, if while talking to her or playing with the kids, I was also looking at my home. This is hard for me, my brain needs constant stimulation. Its not like I am not truly present. I can listen to an audiobook while reading something else and follow both. Being ADD does have its disadvantages, but it is not without its advantages as well. But some of those advantages are a double edge sword. Looking at my iPhone gives the appearance that I am not paying attention. My ability to hyper focus makes me very productive at work, or whatever project I take on, like writing a new book, but I get lost in time. I end up in the office until all hours and Melissa will have to call me upstairs from my computer multiple times.

But here is the thing, for one day (25 hours) I can do it. I know I can. I can put it down. Monday through Friday is not possible with work and besides I am not home much of the time anyway. So that leaves the weekend. I wanted to do more, so adding to our Shabbat seem a perfect comprise. We start this week!

Gene Guilt 3

UPDATE

So I have talked about my guilt and guilty genes before regarding Josh. The two other post were about his ears. He got my childhood propensity for ear infections and rupturing eardrums. After the second surgery (First tonsils, tubes and adenoids – Second a procedure to close up his two ruptured eardrums) we were talking to our ENT about his headaches. We had been blaming them on allergies. But the allergy meds weren’t reducing them. I don’t have allergies, so I really didn’t blame myself for that, but of course it just hurt knowing my child was in pain. The ENT didn’t think this was sinus/allergy related issue so he had us schedule a full vision screen for today. I don’t think he has vision issues, the kid sees everything. I actually hope he got my vision. It was always better than 20/20 growing up, and even now with a slight decline, its 20/20. I do have slight astigmatism, but I think that is sinus related. I have spent the last several winters with chronic sinus issues and my vision is better in the summer than winter. OK so back to Josh and the headaches.   If it is not vision I am worried, or rather terrified.  The least of my concern is I have passed on my propensity for headaches – sinus, tension, and migraines.  Of course, if it is that, I will probably feel guilty about it. Intellectually I know that is silly. You get what you get, and he got a lot of good from me as well. But if it is not vision, or just some natural propensity for sinus, tensions, and migraine headaches, that brings out my real fear.  A fear I have a hard time even thinking about, no less writing and talking about. I have mentioned it to Melissa, and I finally mentioned it to the ENT who is an old family friend. If you have been reading me long enough you know my mom and maternal grandfather died of aneurysms. My MRI was perfectly clear, but that doesn’t mean I am not carrying a gene for it. Thinking about this scares the bloody hell out of me. So if his vision is clear, our next step is an MRI. The potential for a need for an MRI, has been in the back of my head ever since he first started complaining about the headaches. If it is not allergies and not a vision issue, I have to admit I am scared out of my mind. Irrational, probably, but fears aren’t always based on the rational parts of our minds. So that’s where we are at.

Update – OK, Josh’s eyes checked out fine. Melissa thinks I am totally overreacting about the whole MRI, or rather MRA thing. The eye doctor told her even with the family history, it is significantly unlikely to be an aneurysm. I, while do pride myself on my rationalism, still can’t shake the fear that it is more than just headaches. So we will talk to our pediatrician and go from there.

Happy Birthday Elijah

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This will always be one of my all time favorite photo’s.  The baby in the center, Elijah, just turned 4 today and is growing up way too fast. In the last few years this has always been a really hard day for me. If you’re interested in why, read this post from exactly a year ago http://www.coreyjf.com/2012/02/miss-you-mom/ . It was easier this year. Partly because I was at work and slammed most of the day so my thoughts were not allowed to drift very far.  But even this morning, when I first saw Elijah, I felt nothing but joy and gave him a giant birthday hug.  It wasn’t really until my drive into work and the first part of the morning that the sadness hit me. Last year I had to put on my fake it till you make it smile, but not this year. All I could think of was how big and beautiful and smart this baby of mine has become.  This day will always be bittersweet, but it was really the first time I was able to give him my undivided attention and emotion on his birthday ever.  It’s good to be in a better place.

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