So I have talked about my guilt and guilty genes before regarding Josh. The two other post were about his ears. He got my childhood propensity for ear infections and rupturing eardrums. After the second surgery (First tonsils, tubes and adenoids – Second a procedure to close up his two ruptured eardrums) we were talking to our ENT about his headaches. We had been blaming them on allergies. But the allergy meds weren’t reducing them. I don’t have allergies, so I really didn’t blame myself for that, but of course it just hurt knowing my child was in pain. The ENT didn’t think this was sinus/allergy related issue so he had us schedule a full vision screen for today. I don’t think he has vision issues, the kid sees everything. I actually hope he got my vision. It was always better than 20/20 growing up, and even now with a slight decline, its 20/20. I do have slight astigmatism, but I think that is sinus related. I have spent the last several winters with chronic sinus issues and my vision is better in the summer than winter. OK so back to Josh and the headaches. If it is not vision I am worried, or rather terrified. The least of my concern is I have passed on my propensity for headaches – sinus, tension, and migraines. Of course, if it is that, I will probably feel guilty about it. Intellectually I know that is silly. You get what you get, and he got a lot of good from me as well. But if it is not vision, or just some natural propensity for sinus, tensions, and migraine headaches, that brings out my real fear. A fear I have a hard time even thinking about, no less writing and talking about. I have mentioned it to Melissa, and I finally mentioned it to the ENT who is an old family friend. If you have been reading me long enough you know my mom and maternal grandfather died of aneurysms. My MRI was perfectly clear, but that doesn’t mean I am not carrying a gene for it. Thinking about this scares the bloody hell out of me. So if his vision is clear, our next step is an MRI. The potential for a need for an MRI, has been in the back of my head ever since he first started complaining about the headaches. If it is not allergies and not a vision issue, I have to admit I am scared out of my mind. Irrational, probably, but fears aren’t always based on the rational parts of our minds. So that’s where we are at.
Update – OK, Josh’s eyes checked out fine. Melissa thinks I am totally overreacting about the whole MRI, or rather MRA thing. The eye doctor told her even with the family history, it is significantly unlikely to be an aneurysm. I, while do pride myself on my rationalism, still can’t shake the fear that it is more than just headaches. So we will talk to our pediatrician and go from there.