By the time this posts I will already be at work. It’s Sunday now, but I have this set to post Monday afternoon, well before Pesach (Passover) begins. It’s been almost 2 years since I wrote http://www.coreyjf.com/2011/03/judaism-my-personal-journey-part-1/. Much has changed over the last 2 year. We are far more immersed in the community than we were. We are definitely closer friends with many of our Beth Sholom family. Interestingly enough we do get less invitations to Shabbat lunches, but I think that is because our house isn’t Kosher, and while we could host with paper plates and catered food, it can be a bit of a challenge and can be hard for us to reciprocate.

Overall our family has become far more observant. I am extremely impressed with Melissa on how much her Hebrew has improved and the active role she has taken on in the Women’s Tefillah, and how much she has learned.  But we are not at the same page in regards to our level of observation. For example, on the way home from Shabbat, I had awkward moment with some friends.  Let me be perfectly clear, there was nothing they said or did that was responsible for my feelings of awkwardness, or any type of judgmental reaction from them.  In fact it was quite the opposite. But we were leaving Shul and Melissa and the boys walked one way and I walked the other. One of them quipped, Oh you get the afternoon to yourself. At first I didn’t follow. Then it dawned on me, they assumed Melissa and the boys were going somewhere else.  I was like, Oh no, because of the cold, Melissa and the boys drove, but I don’t drive on Shabbat. And their response was pretty typical of what I get and have come to expect in this very open and tolerant community. One of them said, we both have things we are more observant about than the other.  With that my brief feeling of awkwardness faded away.

But I really have become far more observant and at a faster rate than my wife. Don’t get me wrong, I am far from perfect. I don’t wear a kippah during the week, especially to work. I also do a lot of things on Shabbat, you are not supposed to do. This mainly centers around the use of electronics and writing. I have a full-time job where I work a lot of hours. That leaves the weekend to get the majority of my writing done. Giving up creative endeavors such as writing, and using electronics such as my iPad or iMac on Shabbat would seriously impact on my ability to write.  Not to mention, I listen to audiobooks and track my running stats on my iPhone on Shabbat.  Even when I choose not to listen to an audiobook, I still use my phone for tracking stats and in case of emergency. Also the day job (supporting my family) takes priority over observation. Friday night, I had a ton on my plate and I didn’t leave my office until nearly 11 pm, well past sunset. Honestly unless it is summer, I almost never get home in time for Shabbat. I just don’t have a job with that level of flexibility.  Heck I am not even in a position to take Pesach off from work this year. I’m not happy about it, but it is what it is, and I embarrassingly just emailed my Rabbi to help me figure out how I am supposed to handle Yizkor (A prayer of remembrance recited four times a year in the presence of at least 10 Bar Mitzah aged men) for my mom on the last day of Pesach. And a few months ago when my Friday afternoon flight was canceled due to weather, I choose to fly out on Saturday and have the weekend with my family.  While I can see myself becoming more observant, and I avoid ever saying never, I’m not sure I could give up writing and correspondingly, the use of a computer or iPad on Shabbat.  So I fully accept there are somethings my wife is not willing to give up now, or possibly ever.

Mostly we find ways to comprise around these differences. But we do have a roadblock that their is no way of fixing. At least not that I can see.  I know sometimes that happens in a marriage. We have the whole no more children thing which is a huge deal to me. I want more, she doesn’t. But it’s her body and her decision. It’s not something I get to have a choice in, or something we can compromise on.  The other one is about observation. I want a Kosher home. I’m not suggesting we follow all of the laws of kashrut outside of the house. But I strongly believe as a member of a community we should have a Kosher home. I want anyone in our community to be able to come over and eat on our dishes, or things prepared with our cooking ware. I also want this modeled for our children. To me it is very much a part of being in a community.  I welcome any suggestions. You can leave out a second kitchen, its not economically or spatially feasible.